Dear reader,
Right before New Year’s, I decided to once again attempt The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I had tried earlier last year, but never made it completely through. I had been meaning to restart it and in a cliché way decided to give it a shot come January 1. One of the main practices the book requires is to do ‘morning pages,’ where you write a three-paged mind dump every morning, uninhibited. While the book says you shouldn’t re-read them until the challenge is over at the very least, I have found, and have been reminded, that my further edited work always comes from a string of consciousness that I pull out of my mind.
That being said, I will be sharing some excerpts of my morning pages here with you. I was inspired by G, a fellow internet writer, who shares mesmerising excerpts of her morning pages on Substack as well. It’s also a great way to hold myself accountable for the challenge.
This will be for paying subscribers only, so if you’re interested in following along or even doing it yourself, go ahead and subscribe.
01 January 2024
…I know I can begin the type of intentionality I respect today, right now by taking more time - to drop into how I feel and. When I think about it, better results come from just slowing down and dropping in. Asking, “what do I want today?” “how am I feeling?” “What is the energy I want to create today?”
I suppose I can answer these questions now..
What do I want today? I want to feel the sun on my skin at some point.
How am I feeling? I’m feeling tired and slightly hungover. But I feel fresh, probably because of the idea of a New Year we’re all starting together.
What is the energy I want to create today? One of creation. I am excited to continue painting. This morning when I. woke up and I rolled over and looked at the painting I started yesterday, I felt a jolt of life. Painting, the act of, feels like solving a puzzle. IT harnesses my attention in a way other mediums don’t, aside from drawing. The colors fill me with such emotion - many times joy, but also emotions tied to memories in which the colors are tied. I don’t set out to be some great painter, but it is a medium I always want to engage with. Artmaking as a whole is a for of alchemy, a form of magic, which I want to gain a better understanding of. Artmaking is proof that intentional objects and movement carries energy, and can have meaning. I want to pour out all my dreams into works of art. I want to create pieces that are beautiful and give me so much joy to exist alongside. I am learning to accept the hardships that come with it. But it is my greatest pursuit - art, in anyway - it what feels most alive for me. It is my breath and blood and something I will stand by until the day I die.
02 January 2024
Today I will continue painting. I do not like the painting I’m making right now but I”m going to finish it because it’s a painting that’s already teaching me a lot. I want to understand this language. It helps me with unity, it helps me with living. It helps me face myself in ways I have a hard time facing myself otherwise.
03 January 2024
I want my life to be a fantasy. Even the mundane parts, like paying bills and grocery shopping, I will turn them into a fantasy. I will go off my feelings and make everything like a movie, because that kind of delusion lights me on fire. My inside life must become my outside life and it will, I know. I’ve chosen an interesting path of building myself back up but it’s happening. Somehow, I have become acquainted with the rock bottom, and I am getting comfortable here, I know how things work. The $97 in my bank account is pure abundance, the sun light flooding my room is pure abundance, and now I am inspired because I haven’t seen this version of the painting in this lighting. I am okay with the Winter, I am okay with the Winter, I am okay the with Winter, I am okay with the Winter, as it calls me to build my core like the trunk of a tree, so when that glorious spring day in April hits, I can bloom with certainty, in awe of my ability to open.
04 January 2024
When I am hungover I feel extra loving, my heart so open and hungry to be held. I called G this morning as I got ready because I just needed a boost, I couldn’t do it alone. Sometimes I really just need a friend to tell me a story as I put my clothes on and do my make up. Sometimes I just need someone to be there and talk to me as I fall asleep, as I clean my room. That is the best company one can be for another; the one who is there when the everyday makings of life starts to feel lonley. That is something I certainly want more of in 2024. Grand company for no good reason but that we are in this existence together. Come to the grocery store with me. I’m going to call you while I walk there. I will sit with you while you clean your apartment. This, this is true love.
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